I ride along the narrow way,
I can't go passing by the mountain chain.
The mountains are very high,
Their tops are hidden by cloud.
How to overcome it, I don't know.
What to do? I can't return.
And I stand with the howling winds alone
And I see in front of me only the high wall.
Chorus:
But I'll take all my will,
I will be able to get the wings,
I'll overcome everything on my way,
I'll be able to fly far away.
I stand and try to become fearless,
Thinking, that I've too much of weakness.
I ask my horse to run...
And I find, that mountain chain is behind.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Wind. ^^ Hawkie it is, and I will be reviewing you today.
Lyrics are typically hard to review since you can't hear the music that goes along with them, but that's okay.
I really didn't see anything wrong with these lyrics. The meaning makes sense, there's no spelling errors that I can see, and it paints a good image in my head.
If you're not doing it already, I have a piece of advice: decide what time signature your song is (3/4 time, 4/4 time, etc) and keep that pulse in your head as you're writing.
Another thing I noticed is that you have a lot of telling in your story as opposed to showing. Stuff like "the mountains are high" and "I ask my horse to run" are concise, but they lack the sensual quality that showing brings. Really drive home the grandeur and height of the mountains. Describe digging your heels into the horse to make it run, etc. Really tie us into the poetry so that we can't let go.
That was a good read. *hands cookie* Keep writing!
-Hawks-